Facebook百万点赞 | 越狱重启，米勒如何逃离内心牢笼？
2016/5/26 心领神荟

     (原文为Wentworth Miller的Facebook主页中的一篇文章。) 日期：3月29日

    

     Today I found myself the subject of an Internet meme. Not for the first time.

     我今天发现自己成为了一个网络热图的主角。这已经不是第一次了。

     This one, however, stands out from the rest.

     然而这一次，与其余的相比更变本加厉。

     In 2010, semi-retired from acting, I was keeping a low-profile for a number of reasons.

     2010年，我的演艺事业进入半退休状态。因为许多原因，我保持着低调。

     First and foremost, I was suicidal.

     而最重要的一点是，我有自杀倾向。

     This is a subject I've since written about, spoken about, shared about.

     关于这个话题，我已经开始记录，开始谈论，开始与大家分享。

     But at the time I suffered in silence. As so many do. The extent of my struggle known to very, very few.

     但在我忍受着沉默的时候。就像那么多人做的那样。我所挣扎的一切真的鲜为人知。

     Ashamed and in pain, I considered myself damaged goods. And the voices in my head urged me down the path to self-destruction. Not for the first time.

     我羞耻而痛苦地认为自己是个残货。我脑海中的声音迫使着我走上自毁的道路。而这，也已经不是第一次了。

     I've struggled with depression since childhood. It's a battle that's cost me time, opportunities, relationships, and a thousandsleepless nights.

     我自童年起就遭受抑郁。这是一场耗费时间，夺走机遇，破坏情感并且要与一千个无眠之夜斗争的战役。

     In 2010, at the lowest point in my adult life, I was looking everywhere for relief/comfort/distraction. And I turned to food. It could have been anything. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. But eating became the one thing I could look forward to. Count on to get me through. There were stretches when the highlight of my week was a favorite meal and a new episode of TOP CHEF. Sometimes that was enough. Had to be.

     2010年，在我成年后人生的最低点，我到处寻觅解脱、安慰和令我分散注意力的娱乐。于是食物成为我的救星。当然它可以是任何其他东西。毒品、酒精、性。但是吃成为了我所向往的活动。成为我赖以寄托的过渡品。有几段时间我一周的精彩之处全仰仗于一顿喜爱的大餐和一集新的顶级大厨。有时候这些就足够了。它们也必须令我感到满足。

     And I put on weight. Big f--king deal.

     所以我发福了，我真的胖了许多。

     One day, out for a hike in Los Angeles with afriend, we crossed paths with a film crew shooting a reality show. Unbeknowns to me, paparazzi were circling. They took my picture, and the photos we republished alongside images of me from another time in my career. "Hunk To Chunk." "Fit To Flab." Etc.

     有一天，我与一个朋友在洛杉矶远足，我们路过了一个正在拍真人秀的剧组。我不知道的是，狗仔队正潜伏在周围。他们拍到了我，而且在发表时，这些照片与我职业生涯中另一时刻的照片被放在了一起。“从猛男到胖仔”，“从健壮到肥硕”，类似种种。

     My mother has one of those "friends" who'salways the first to bring you bad news. They clipped one of these articles from a popular national magazine and mailed it to her. She called me, concerned.

     我妈妈有几个总是第一个把坏消息告诉你的“朋友”。他们夹起一篇发表在国内流行杂志上的这类文章并寄给了她。她打了电话给我，她很担心。

     In 2010, fighting for my mental health, it was the last thing I needed.

     2010年，在我为了我的精神健康抗争时，这是我最不需要的事情。

     Long story short, I survived.

     而长话短说，我活下来了。

     So do those pictures.

     而这些照片也是

     I'm glad.

     我很高兴。

     Now, when I see that image of me in my red t-shirt,a rare smile on my face, I am reminded of my struggle. My endurance and myperseverance in the face of all kinds of demons. Some within. Some without.

     现在，当我看见这件我穿着红T恤的照片，我脸上有个罕见的微笑，这些让我回忆起我的那些挣扎，面对各种各样的恶魔时，我表现出忍耐和坚持。这些恶魔们，一些仍然存在，一些我已摆脱。

     Like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist.

     就像一棵穿过路面缓缓而上的蒲公英，我坚持着。

     Anyway. Still. Despite.

     无论如何，尽管如此，仍旧这样。

     The first time I saw this meme pop up in my socialmedia feed, I have to admit, it hurt to breathe. But as with everything inlife, I get to assign meaning. And the meaning I assign to this/my image isStrength. Healing. Forgiveness.

     当我第一次在的我的社交推送中看到这张图时，我必须承认，我感到难以呼吸。但是经历了那么多以后，我学会了给不同的事物赋予不同的意义。而对于这张我的照片我赋予它的意义是力量、治愈与谅解。

     Of myself and others.

     对于我自己与他人。

     If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. Reach out. Text. Send an email. Pick up the phone. Someone cares.They're waiting to hear from you.

     如果你或是你认识的某个人正在挣扎，援助之手无处不在。寻求帮助吧。发个短信，发封邮件。拿起电话。总有人在意着关心着。他们正等待着你的消息。

     Much love.

     深爱你的，

     - W.M.

     -温特沃斯·米勒

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